Arctic Vaginal Wastelands, Topless Wakeboarding and David Bowie

Wholphin Issue  1 (Various Directors)

A collection of short films featuring such directors as Spike Jonze, Miguel Arteta and David O. Russell.  

Very disappointed with this.  The first short is written by Miranda July, directed by Arteta, and stars John C. Reilly as a guy who asks three people if they are "the favorite person of anybody".  I've seen this described as "beautiful" at least twice, but I guarantee whatever you can imagine about this 5 minute film is more interesting then what actually does happen.   Even more ridiculous is a 20 minute film starring Selma Blair who after seeing several gynecologists finds one who discovers an arctic wasteland after going right up in there.  Yikes.  I thought at least Spike Jonze would have something to offer but he just follows Al Gore around with a $200 video camera.  There is also a Turkish sitcom with five different choices of subtitles, and an Iranian cartoon  where a guy kills a monster by making what looks like a pickle appear between his fingers, cutting the pickle in half, and this of course cuts the monster in half.  

I didn't watch the whole thing, but what I saw was pretentious and boring.  Except for the voodoo pickle.  That was kind of funny. 

4/10

Friday the 13th (2009 edition, Dir. Marcus Nispel) 

The guys are obnoxious.

The girls show their boobs (even when  wakeboarding).

Jason kills them.

Did have one of the funniest moments I've seen in a movie in awhile.  It involves a boat.

6/10

The  Prestige (dir. Christopher Nolan)

Christian (Batman) Bale and Hugh (Wolverine) Jackman play rival magicians in Nineteenth century London try to outdo each other while searching for the ultimate trick.  Also stars Scarlett Johansson, Michael Caine, David Bowie and Gollum.

Unique story + strong cast + Christopher Nolan = very entertaining movie, with twists that aren't there just for the sake of having twists.

8.5/10

Coraline (Dir. Henry Selick)

A young girl moves into a new house where she finds a small door that leads to an  alternate universe where everything seems to be better.   Her real world is dull and her parents don't pay any attention to her.   On the other side of the door,  everything seems brighter and better.   However Coraline eventually grows suspicious of her "other mother" when she invites her to stay in their world forever on one condition.

Based on a book by Neil Gaiman, and from the director of "Nightmare Before Christmas",   you kind of have an idea of what to expect. Coraline is a kids movie, only creepier and more interesting then say... Madagascar 2.   But the main reason I enjoyed it was because seeing the movie  in Digital 3D really took it to the next level.  Everything looks amazing, like being in the front row of a giant stop motion animation play or something.  If I saw the movie in 2D, I think I would've still liked it, but I definitely recommend seeing Coraline in a 3D theatre.  It's come a long way since the old red and blue glasses and "Friday the 13th Part 3".  

8/10

Rushmore (Dir. Wes Anderson 1998)

Max Fischer (Jason Schwarzman) is a student at Rushmore Academy who puts on plays, joins every club, team and group the school has to offer, and gets terrible grades.  He falls in love with Miss Cross (Olivia Williams), a 1st grade teacher and befriends millionaire Herman Blume (Bill Murray) before getting expelled.  To make matters worse, Max finds out that Miss Cross and Blume have developed a relationship.  

Rushmore is my all-time favorite movie.  I recently saw it in a theatre for the first time at Film Streams, where it is playing until Thursday.  It's a good movie to see on the big screen (after many views on the small screen) because there is so much attention to detail in ever scene.  Instead of paying attention to the people talking in the foreground, you can see a humorous moment in the background, like a boy in a nun's costume sweeping up cocaine after Max's version of "Serpico".  

I pretty much love everything about this movie more then anything in any other movie.   I could go on forever.  The characters, the story, the cinematography and the music all add up to what I consider a perfect movie.

10/10

Zack and Miri Make a Porno (Dir. Kevin Smith.)

Lifelong friends Zack and Miri are  in desperate need of  money so guess what they do?  Guess what happens?

It seems to me like Kevin Smith (Clerks, Mallrats, Dogma) was trying to make a Judd Apatowish comedy that's both sweet and romantic and has adult humor and Seth Rogen.   The romantic stuff is super predictable, and the adult humor isn't that funny.   And I still like Seth Rogen,  but he couldn't save this one from being kind of a dud.  And I'm pretty sure "Live" was playing when  Zack and Miri have sex.  Remember Live?  

5/10

Delicatessen (Dir. Jean-Pierre Jeunet  1991)

A guy who was a clown takes a room in a building where a butcher kills people and sells the meat in exchange for beans because times are tough and meat is scarce.  The daughter starts to fall for the clown when......... I fell asleep.  Actually I fell asleep a couple times trying to watch this movie.  I'm a big fan of Jeunet's "Amelie" and "A Very Long Engagement" but this one wasn't doing it for me.  

pope in the bath whilst buckwheat scrubs

drugstore cowboy

In this unrepentant look at the life of junkies, a quartet of addicts robs pharmacies to fuel their habits. Ringleader Bob Hughes (Matt Dillon), along with his wife (Kelly Lynch) and underlings Rick (James Le Gros) and Nadine (Heather Graham), takes the show on the road after things get too hot at home. When Nadine goes toes up from an overdose, Bob swears off drugs and tries to rebuild his life -- minus his wife, who's determined to stay hooked.

I did not realize that this movie was gus van sant when i watched it, i also did not think it was going to be so good. Drug movie, on the doorstep of the 90s, lots of great lines, as well as your typical drug movie banter. Has a special guest appearance by hunter s. tompson that I felt was sort of just in there to prove they could get him in a movie, but interesting if you are into him.

7/10

american teen


Five high school seniors in Warsaw, Ind., are the focus of this documentary from filmmaker Nanette Burstein. The film follows their struggles in and out of classrooms, their friendships, romantic relationships and the tough decisions they face. A compelling glimpse into the problems and issues teenagers confront daily, this cinema vérité film is chock full of the drama and emotion that accompany the adolescent experience.

Sort of not entertaining as a documentary, but i think it was meant to be watched by current high school students. At the same time it was sort of painful to see some of the ridiculous things you probably thought up when you were in high school. It's amazing how much ideals change after 7 short years.

6/10

serenity

Picking up where his cult show "Firefly" left off, writer-director Joss Whedon's tale of galactic unrest follows Malcolm Reynolds (Nathan Fillion), captain of the transport ship Serenity, and his scrappy but loyal crew. When the ship picks up two new passengers- fugitives from the powerful coalition ruling the universe- "Mal" and his mates find themselves at the center of a cosmic conflict, pursued by military forces and space-roaming savages.

Another movie that i went into with low expectations and was pleasantly surprised. A low budget sci fi with almost a feel of the old star wars movies, plus some extra girl empowerment nerd trash from ol' buddy joss to boring things up a bit.

7/10

jackass 2.5

Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O and the entire Jackass crew return with even more inappropriate and reckless stunts, pranks and mischief in this film that combines extra scenes from Jackass 2 with behind-the-scenes footage and exclusive interviews. Confronting dangerous animals such as alligators and snakes, fighting one another, and embarrassing Bam's dad are just a few of the crazy high jinks in store.

Im a sucker for watching people getting hurt, exspecially if it's self inflicted. This is just some bonus footage from the filming of Jackass 2 with some stuff that just didn't fit the movie or didn't really work, plus with interesting explinations from cast.

7/10

mister lonely
This gorgeously lensed, slightly surreal dramedy follows a Michael Jackson impersonator (Diego Luna) to Paris, where he meets a Marilyn Monroe look-alike (Samantha Morton) and accompanies her as she reconvenes with her husband and daughter (also impersonators) in Scotland. Along the way, they rendezvous with a Queen Elizabeth look-alike, among others, in director Harmony Korine's absurdist statement about celebrity obsession.

I think you either love or hate Harmony Korine, and I am more on the love side. A pretty bizzare and nonsensical movie, but filled with some of the most beautiful and strange moments you can put on your television. Some standouts: Michael Jackson on a mini motorcycle with a flying monkey toy on a kite string, nuns skydiving without parachutes and trusting in faith in god alone, the pope being given a bath by buckwheat............and so much more

8/10

bananas

Neurotic nebbish Fielding Mellish (Woody Allen) follows his dream girl (Louise Lasser) to the fictitious Latin American nation of San Marcos, where he unintentionally becomes a freedom fighter for a revolutionary leader. But shortly after taking the reins of power, the new strongman goes -- you guessed it -- bananas, leaving Fielding in command to bargain with the United States. Watch for Sylvester Stallone in a microscopic role.

Definitly the most "zaney" of the woody allen movies i have seen so far, and probably my least favorite. Still pretty standout amung the slapstick genre, but maybe it just didn't age well considering it was a castro parody?

6/10


Dead Space: Downfall

A feature-length prequel to the Electronic Arts' video game, this animated sci-fi horror adventure follows a group of space miners who uncover evidence of humankind's creators then unwittingly release a violent alien race from within a faraway planet. Now it's up to a special team of miners and space crew to stop the most ruthless, evil alien beings from wreaking havoc on the human race.

not much to say about this really. A video game animated movie that looks like sunday morning super hero cartoons but with lots and lots of gore.

5/10

25/300

one that looks like a midwest beauty queen

can't sleep, updating movie reviews very late at night.

adaptation

Charlie Kaufman (Nicolas Cage) is a Los Angeles screenwriter battling enormous feelings of insecurity and impotence as he struggles to adapt The Orchid Thief, a book by Susan Orlean (Meryl Streep) whose main character, John Laroche (Chris Cooper), searches for love. Add to the mix Charlie's twin brother, Donald (also played by Cage), and you have a surreal, Spike Jonze-directed gem about the search for passion.

still probably my favorite movie ever. Tragic, beautiful, funny. Perfect writing.

10/10

snow angels

Based on Stewart O'Nan's novel, this indie drama starring Kate Beckinsale intertwines parallel stories about teenager Arthur Parkinson (Michael Angarano) and his former babysitter, Annie Marchand (Beckinsale). Once the object of Arthur's boyhood infatuation, small-town waitress Annie heads down a fateful path after enduring a stormy relationship with her estranged spouse (Sam Rockwell). The supporting cast includes Amy Sedaris and Nicky Katt.

a new addition to my "favorites" list. Amazingly written and even better acting. Sam Rockwell really gives the performance of a lifetime. Such miserable (and real) stories of broken families that will make this movie hard to watch a second time. The teen couple has a perfect dynamic that i think every relationship should be like. Also not so......gimmicky....as David Gordon Green's "George Washington" as far as camera work and disgusting story goes, but still both great movies

10/10

death wish

While New York City architect Paul Kersey (Charles Bronson) is away from home, drug addicts break into his house and brutally murder his wife, Joanna (Hope Lange), and rape his daughter until she's comatose. Once wary of guns, Kersey takes matters into his own hands, seeking vigilante justice against not only the culprits, but other wrongdoers as well. New York City cops soon take notice and try to find the person who's doing their job.

not that i have ever been to new york, but from what i hear, this version no longer exists. Gritty and violent without reason. I would put this movie on par with warriors, it kind of does not really make sense but charles bronson is a badass any way.

18/300

RocknRolla  (Dir. Guy Ritchie 2008)

In London, a real-estate scam, millions of euros, and a mysterious painting bring together all kinds of criminal types, and one presumed dead rock star.

Basically if you've seen "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels", or  "Snatch", you know exactly what to expect.  Instead of a couple of rare guns or a huge diamond, there is a mysterious painting.  There is a large cast of likable criminals getting into darkly comic situations.  And there is a pretty unexpected ending.   So if you love those movies,  you might like "RocknRolla", if you didn't like those movies, pass on this one because it's just more of the same.

I was a fan of "Lock Stock" and "Snatch".  But "RocknRolla" is not only a bit too similar, but a little more dull, like a B-Side to one of Ritchie's greatest hits.  Supposedly its the first part of a trilogy.  I'll probably check out the sequel, but I'm not holding my breath.

6.5/10

Man On Wire  (Dir. James Marsh)

Documentary about Phillipe Petit's tightrope walk between the Twin Towers in 1974.

This movie has received a lot of praise, but I wasn't that impressed.  I was kind of into it at first when they were describing/re-enacting the events leading up to the "artistic crime of the century", then I fell asleep.  Then  I woke up and Petit was tightroping it up, which is cool and all don't get me wrong, but as a result...

SPOILER ALERT

Petit becomes famous, dumps his girlfriend and his best friend gets kicked out of the country.

That's kind of downer.  So he could walk on a wire between two buildings.  I think the act gets a little over romanticized (especially by Petit) and what ends up happening to the people who helped him accomplish his dream makes it look even more frivolous.  

5/10

Slumdog Millionaire (Dir. Danny Boyle)

A teen who grew up in the slums of India goes on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" in order to find the girl he was separated from years before.  After getting one question away from the big prize, he is arrested and accused of cheating.  He then explains (via flashback) how he knew the answers to all the questions.

Very entertaining and enjoyable movie.   The cinematography, music, locations and performances from the actors all help an original (if somewhat unlikely) story that make this movie live up to all the hype.  Because there is no way a hollywood version based in America would not totally suck.  I haven't seen the other nominees for best picture, but I'd have to pick this one to win.

9/10

  

Step Brothers  (Dir. Adam McKay)

Will Ferrell and  John C. Reilly play two guys who live with their single mother and father, respectively, and are forced to live together when their parents fall and love and get married.  Before the opening credits are over.

This is pretty much just an hour and a half of Ferrell and Reilly acting like idiots, which is fine with me.  If you don't think these two are funny, this movie is not going to convince you otherwise.  But if you are a fan of Ferrell and/or Reilly, and you thought "Talladega Nights" was just a little too artsy, then "Step Brothers" is right up your alley.

The real reason I highly recommend this movie is the audio commentary, featuring Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, director Adam  McKay and music by Jon Brion (Magnolia, Kanye's "Late Registration") and special guest Baron Davis of the Los Angeles Clippers.  The commentators spontaneously break out into song throughout the commentary.  My personal favorite being about a prosthetic scrotum.

Movie:  8/10

Movie w/ commentary:  10/10

Chungking Express (Dir.  Kar Wai Wong  1994)

Two similar stories of two different cops in Hong Kong.  One is still pining for his girlfriend that broke up with him five years ago.  The other keeps visiting a waitress.......

And I couldn't watch this whole movie.  I've read many a glowing review, Quentin Tarantino put his name  on one version of the DVD,  another version got the Criterion Collection  treatment so I was expecting a lot more.  I guess "film buffs" think things like buying a can of pineapple every day for a month with the same expiration date is some sort of genius metaphor.  (Love expires, pineapples expire.... get it?)  Or saying things like "The body loses water when you jog.  So you have none left for tears" is incredibly moving.    There's lots of narration like that.  Lots.

Netflix recommended this one to me because I liked "Rushmore", "City of God", "Annie Hall", "The Office", "Barton Fink" and "Spirited Away" among others.  I love those movies.  I couldn't stand this movie.

  

4/10

The Bourne Identity (Dir. Doug Liman)

Matt Damon plays Jason Bourne, a man trying to figure out who he is, why people are trying to kill him, and why he is so good at fighting back.

Pretty solid action movie.  Liked it.  Didn't love it.  Don't hate it.   Sometimes you just feel like something with some car chases and fighting and amnesia.  Bourne Identity fulfills that need.

7/10

jf

let the right one in (again)

I have watched this too many times, great to show to people, brings up great conversation topics like pedophilia and childhood trauma.

9/10

Manhattan
One of Woody Allen's best films, Manhattan offers more drama than it does comedy; it's a character-rich portrait of life and love among unhappy New York City intellectuals. Allen essentially plays himself, a neurotic writer involved with a high school girl (Mariel Hemingway). Then he meets his married best friend's new lover (Diane Keaton) and falls hard.

what a perfect movie to follow "Jules and Jim" with. Maybe i have a not healthy appreciation for love triangles, although it's not something i would ever, ever want to have to deal with, they sure make for adorable and passionate situations. This is just kind of a more nervous and less smooth Frenchman movie, and for that it is one of my new favorites. Why the 17 year olds Woodie? Easily a top five of the Woody Allen i have seen so far.

9/10

wild child

One of director François Truffaut's most unusual films is based on a true story and contains one of his rare acting appearances. In 1798 France, a feral child (Jean-Pierre Cargol) who's grown up wild in the forest is discovered. Truffaut plays Dr. Jean Itard, the deaf specialist who tries to civilize the boy; the screenplay was adapted from Itard's writings. Truffaut dedicated the film to Jean-Pierre Leaud, the star of his Antoine Doinel series.

real life Jungle Book. Truffaut sure knows how to pick child actors (and to tell their stories) His own performance is pretty amazing as well. Also looked great at film streams, with some really amazing aerial shots of the kid running across wooded areas.

7/10

15/300